Today, I’m thankful for fear. I’m even thankful for scares God allows into my life. I have to remember I only have three choices: locked up, covered up, or sobered up. That is, if I live in my addiction, it will either cost me my life or my freedom. The only option then is to pursue sobriety. In the last two days, I’ve come face to face with one of those fears. Some joker is trying to blackmail me via email. He claims he has video evidence of sin. On the one hand, I’m very thankful, because I haven’t done what he has described in years. Therefore, I know it is a scam. That being said, my past is coming back to haunt me mentally on this. There is that little part of me that wonders, is this something from my past? I haven’t been actively in my addiction for years, but slips have happened along the way. Was something caught via malware on my computer and now it is coming back to bite me? If so, there is nothing I can do about it today, but trust God. Whatever the outcome, I know God will care for me. But this has been a reminder: locked up, covered up, or sobered up. Every once in a while I need a shocking reminder of it, and I’m thankful for receiving it. It keeps me from getting lax, which I fear perhaps I have over the past couple of years.
My goal today is to stay focused on sobriety. Whether I’m in a moment of peace or anxiety regarding this situation or any other, I don’t have any reason to act out today. Whether this is the best case scenario or the worst, there is no reason to act out today. I’ll put my hand in God’s and keep moving forward.
Almighty God, thank You for the forgiveness and salvation You have granted by the blood of Your Son. I am so sorry that You had to forgive me through that means. Grant me strength to overcome temptation today. If it is Your will grant me the favor to escape drastic consequences of past, or future, sins. But if not, grant me strength to put my hand in Yours and walk through them. I am all Yours today; do with me as You will.
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