Question from a Mom

[ToWalkWorthy]

I am a mom of two young boys and am looking for some insight and advice. My boys are still quite young (both preschool age), but I know that there are any number of temptations and dangers in regard to sexual sin, and pornography in particular, that await them as they get older. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who takes this subject seriously and who is already laying the foundation for equipping our boys in this regard. But I also recognize that, as a stay-at-home mom who is intending to homeschool, our boys will be spending far more time with me than they are able to with their father. I know I cannot keep them from temptation completely, but I do want to do what I can to help safeguard their hearts and minds.

So I guess my question is: Do you have any advice for me? For those who have or are struggling with pornography, is there something that you wish your parents knew or said or did for you when you were younger and as you were growing up? What kind of things are you doing with your children (or intend to do, if you have children in the future)? Is there any advice you would give to a mother specifically?

[AManFromUz]

I have no kids and won’t be having any so I am not sure if I have much to offer but my idea. There may be others who are more able to help. What I would suggest is first and foremost, show what love between a husband and wife should look like. Intimacy, kissing, hugging, treating each other like one flesh. Kids need to see that and I am convinced that that is part of the problem with kids growing up in the church is that they aren’t seeing “Song of Solomon” marriage… Strong love acted out and verbalized so when the kid grows up they only see superficial love all around them.

As far as pornography goes, communication is so important also. When you start into pornography there is a sense of excitement at the unknown but also there is shame and guilt about doing something you know is wrong. When you have that guilt you feel you can’t turn to anyone because you will be judged a “pervert” or disgusting which only worsens the problem. Make it clear as they grow up that while sin is wrong, the home is a place where they can feel safe to admit problems and struggles without fear of being labeled. Does that make sense?

[ToWalkWorthy]

That does make sense and is very helpful. Before we had kids, my husband and I talked about wanting to create that kind of safe atmosphere at home, particularly in regard to temptations like the one being discussed here. But in reading your suggestion, it struck me that we are laying the foundation for that atmosphere right now. How we respond to their struggles, weaknesses, and failures now will inform them of what they can expect then, more so than any words or promises we might make at that time. I try to do it well, but I know I can be inconsistent in it, so I thank you for this reminder of my responsibility here.

And thank you also for the suggestion regarding the example they see in us. I had thought about the impact of kids seeing their parents allow their eyes to wander, but I had not thought about it from the other perspective. It makes sense, though, that a respect and desire for healthy and godly love, including the physical and emotional expressions of it, would absolutely help guard against the draw of that which offers otherwise.

I really appreciate your input! You have given me some things to think about and to start implementing even now as they are young. To me, that is invaluable.

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